In the age of “straight talk” a conversation from the weekend stays with me though the cold bitter cold Sunday afternoon.
For years I have been told that “no means no!” I have been very respectful of this. When told no, I believe it.
The phrase was originally shaped to protect women from aggressive and thickheaded men who understood that women don’t really know what they want.
While hearing no, and abiding by the wishes of no, I still tend to think that women do not know what they want.
Say a couple has been dating for few months and there is a small disagreement. At one point she says, “Just go.” At this point he is faced with a small dilemma. His training in basic logic tells him that no equals no, hence, go equals go. He should leave. But there is a sense that bubbles deep from within that maybe he should stay and try to fight for what he cares about. This is cavemanic dogma that was burned along with so many bras in the late 60’s is not what the younger half of the population was raised on. So he goes, his instincts are squashed.
She is not happy. She is sad. She really wanted him to stay. She wanted him to try and fight for them. She wants him to be both the gentleman and the bad boy, nice Christian who pushes boundaries, independent and strong yet needing her for so much more, smart enough to impress her friends and handle all the problems that arise but always admits she is right and will just listen rather than recommend solutions to her problems. He learns this after a week of nightly four-hour phone calls she initiates in an attempt get back together.
A crazed sex addict once explained to me after his thousands of empty conquests resulted in a vacuous midlife crisis that when dealing with women you should only rely on instinct and emotion - logic has nothing to do with it.
All this is from the logical mind of men that no means no. Won’t we ever be right?