Evil Stories from Elementary

Evil lurks in the deepest of my heart corners waiting to spring on the next unsuspecting victim. In kindergarten one of my classmates, a little boy, arrived one morning with a note pinned to his shoulder. Affixed by a brass safety pin the rectangular sheet of paper had writing on it, which to me could have been completely foreign as I could not yet read. As our morning ritual of sitting on the floor in a semi circle to listen to instructions from our teacher began, I positioned myself to sit close to Mike. Silence was demanded in the inner circle. My whispers could not reach more than to get his attention. So I started to point and jab at the paper to inquire as to it's meaning. An ear blistering scream of pain was more than I expected when I hit my mark. His tear filled faced told me that the words were important, and my teacher explained what the note said, "Do not touch! Broken collar bone." Lesson - Reading is Fundamental. 

During my time in the second grade drinking fountains were part of a stainless steel sink and tub located at the back of every classroom. The counter in which it was set was perfect for the shorter members of society, which included myself at the time. It was there, after a warm drink during class, that I saw Heather. Her hair was long and beautiful in the autumn light that filled the room, styled after Farrah Fawcett Majors, wife to the action television star at the time. Our eyes met. I stood between her and the fountain. She said hello. I stood speechless, but noticed a small string. As with any fluff that might be found on a sweater, or estranged hair that may pose embarrassment in the future, I felt it my duty to remove the stray. My little finger pulled at the sting, but it didn't move, so I gave it a good yank followed by screams. Lesson - Stiches should only be removed by medical professionals.