Friday Afternoon Interview with Bastard Cat
P2: So Bastard Cat, I hear you are a real bastard?
BC: Leave me alone. Can’t you see I’m napping?
P2: I just want to ask you a few questions for my blog interview.
BC: Oh my God! Get out of the house! Stop blogging! Go on a date! Have you even kissed a girl in this decade?
P2: Why do you hurt me? I feed you, change your litter, remove all the empty beer bottles, clean up when you are hung over, you can’t even answer a few questions for the blog?
BC: Screw you! Screw your blog! Guilt will get you nowhere with an addict.
P2: Come on. How about some cat nip? Not all of it – okay, take what you want.
BC: Dude, ask away. Any question you want.
P2: Why do all the kittens go crazy for you?
BC: Dude, chicks dig BC because I like to party. Look at any of your fictitious animal celebrities – Lassie, that bitch was humping any leg she could find. Spuds, after all the steroids his balls shrunk to nothing but he still drank himself to an early grave. Dolly the sheep, very popular in Scotland. Me – I am virtually everywhere and ready to drink big with any of the boys and make the ladies happy.
P2: Okay, well, that really wasn’t an answer, but moving on. You have a social club that meets monthly, what are your future plans?
BC: Well some of my boys are moving on so I’m not sure we will still have meetings. Jeff, that scum sucking bastard, went and got himself one of those cushy executive positions in Chicago where the secretary wipes her mouth after taking dictation. That hairy assed baboon backed bastard Shaun is moving to LA so he can produce movies and get lost in a “culture” of drug induced gang rapes.
P2: Okay – stop right there. Those are my friends you are talking about, and that is not what they are doing.
BC: Actually, they don’t like you very much P2, they were only putting up with you to party with me.
P2: You are such a fucking bastard!
BC: Better believe it. Now can I please go back to sleep?
P2: Screw you!