Lessons Learned from This Weekend

  1. No one is impressed by your knowledge of ancient Greek battles while waiting in line for tickets.
  2. If you like to smoke lots of pot, you should move to Ann Arbor where it is only a $5 when you are caught and nearly everyone you sit near in the theater is willing to pay that fine.
  3. Don’t take your child to see a movie that opens with the killing of babies. It will scar them for life. Especially when the next scene is a boy his age getting beaten up by an adult.
  4. Kitty is sharp, Darren (the dog) likes to smell my crotch.
  5. As Tiger Woods, I can kick all of your asses at golf.
  6. You can call me Mr. Tips. (This is actually a quote from the movie Mr. Chips starring Sidney Poitier and has nothing to do with this weekend.)
  7. No matter how old you get, its still fun to call boys when you get drunk with the girls. Now matter how old you get, its still fun to get drunk and hang out with the guys to play video games.
  8. Did I mention Kitty is sharp?
  9. My new next-door neighbor is hot, does laundry at the same time I do, but I think she has tuberculosis from the persistent cough.
  10. Next weekend I hope to learn what the effects of green beer will be on people from LA.
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