The Real Fear
Here is a real fear in life, to be discovered for who you truly are.
Many tell me this concerning work. Since the day you are hired, you know deep inside that you don't know what you are doing. You commonly think of the time your friend said, "Fake it till you make it."
Some moment, you are confident is in the near future, your boss will enter the meeting or arrive at your desk with a human resource representative and say, "Okay, the gig is up. We know your secret." In one of the most embarrassing moments of your career, in front of the crush you had since the first week at the office and that gossipy woman you hate, you do the walk of shame with a copy paper box full of trinkets that were in your desk and can't remember why.
I understand that fear. That is not my fear. I fear that I will be discovered differently. I will discover myself.
There is this level of respect I sense. There are people always asking me how things operate. I fear that I will soon discover that it has all been a facade, Kabuki theater. My family, when I was young, took pity on what a sad sack I am, being a nice but stupid fool. Since that time they placed me in a program where others treat me like I am smarter and better than what I really am.
For years this program has been funded by a combination of people trying to make me feel good about myself when the world I live in is far more advanced. For example, computers are at least 10-15 levels above my skill-set, so I am given something equivalent to a child's toy to seem productive and keep busy while the adults do the real work. My car must have something akin to training wheels on it, because this program knows full well it can't trust me with the actual vehicle, it's far too sophisticated for someone of my level. Or maybe those people cheering me on are hired actors or worse training medical staff who are participating in a group observation of this strange and rare idiot.
It is laughable you say? Well, I don't know. I have been told that the thing we fear most in yourself, is a reflection of how you see others. If that is true, and you feel that fear, please disregard this post. I am not part of a team of people observing you. We are not watching for your level of faults, tracking them to understand better and eliminate the condition you suffer from while the rest of us have unbelievable happy lives you may never understand the pleasure of... Just go ahead and click to the next page, please.
You can do it.
Click the button.
I know you can do it.